Whether you’re an extrovert or an introvert, have many friends, or not a lot, loneliness has most likely affected you. Being alone for situational reasons is normal; everyone needs some time for oneself. It can be an emotionally refreshing, positive, and pleasurable experience. Being alone often implies having made the conscious choice to be alone. When this is not by choice, our mere state of being alone can transform into loneliness. “Loneliness is a subjective feeling defined by the amount and type of connection you need in your life,” says Kyla Sokoll-Ward, a loneliness and connection expert. The physical reality and duration we are alone can be the same, but the emotions that come with being alone and being lonely are entirely different.

Humans are social creatures that rely on cooperation to survive. Since prehistoric days, we have thrived on human connections; connections were necessary to our survival. Natural selection favored those who formed connections and collaborated with one another. And if you didn’t, chances of survival became slim. As humans evolved, loneliness became a biological prompt to get back with your tribe, where you’d have protection. However, nowadays, loneliness not only impacts the physical but also the emotional aspects of us.

I believe that most people are afraid of being alone. That’s the reason we love relatable humor or a song that describes our situation perfectly; to know that there are people out there who share our feelings and experiences too. We crave to be understood and seen. While you may like to be alone, no one likes being lonely. This feeling of loneliness can sometimes become overwhelming. It can lead to clingy, overbearing behavior because we are so afraid the people around us will leave. Another way the fear of loneliness can manifest is being a people pleaser, doing whatever you can to make the people around you happy enough to stay with you.

And to no surprise, overcoming the fear of being alone is through being alone. By facing this fear, we get to learn about ourselves more deeply. Spending time alone helps us develop a relationship with ourselves and start enjoying our own company. Here are five ways to deal with loneliness:

Make time for yourself

Set aside quality time for yourself just like you would with other relationships in your life. The relationship you have with yourself is equally important, if not more. Being intentional with your time can help you grow a deeper understanding of yourself and your emotions. 

Find a hobby

Boredom emphasizes loneliness. When we’re bored, we may think it is because we are lacking something, increasing our feelings of loneliness. If you struggle with feeling lonely or isolated, try finding something to occupy your time. Think about what brings you joy. Are you actively doing things that make you happy? If not, why? And if nothing comes to mind, that’s fine. Sometimes trying out new things will help you figure out what you like to do. Take some time to explore hobby options. There are so many things you can do to combat loneliness and boredom such as cooking, baking, writing, learning to play an instrument, reading, painting, and the list goes on. With all the options available, there should be no reason to be bored.

Nurture existing relationships

Loneliness can make us pull away from our relationships, even when we need them the most.  When you feel yourself drifting from people you once connected with, it can be hard to take the first step towards building back those bonds, but it doesn’t need to be this difficult. It could be as simple as asking someone how they’re doing or inviting them to do something with you. By nurturing relationships you already have, you can help yourself subdue feelings of loneliness.

Practice Positive self-talk

Practicing positive self-talk seeks to bring the positive out of the negative. When you’re feeling lonely and you start to think negatively like, “No one wants to spend time with me,” you are fueling your loneliness. Make an effort to catch negative thoughts and ask yourself, “Is this true?” 99.9% of the time these thoughts are not. When you catch a negative thought, you can replace it with a positive one. This will reprogram your mind to seek out the positives in any situation. The process of positive self-talk takes practice, but it can be a simple solution to loneliness.

Find volunteer opportunities

Volunteering is a great way to give back to your community while also making new connections. What’s great about volunteering is that you’re likely to meet people who share the same interest as you. If you love animals, you might consider volunteering at an animal shelter. Or, if you love art, you can volunteer at an art museum. Not only does volunteering help meet people with shared interests, but it can also improve your self-esteem and give you a sense of accomplishment, knowing you’re doing something for the greater good. If you’re unsure where to start, you can ask around or use online platforms like Create the Good or VolunteerMatch.

If you feel lonely, you are not alone; you are not the only one feeling this way. Loneliness is a natural and normal feeling. Who can blame you, it’s in our nature to crave relationships. Simply put, the feeling of being lonely is a biological urge to create more meaningful connections with others, it says nothing about you as a person. And if you feel lonely right now, like all things, it will pass, but for now, there are ways to overcome it and make this life feel a little less lonely for you.